“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
“If evolution works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
“Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
“Great parenting lies somewhere between ‘don’t do that’ and ‘ah, what the hell.’”
“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”
“One day I’ll be thankful that my kid is strong willed but that will not be today, not in this grocery store.”
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them.”
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.”
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”
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